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1. Start with a dramatic title which is only tangentially related to the post.

2. Explain that you haven’t been able to blog, not because you’re not knitting, but because you have no way of taking pictures in cold, grey weather while staying as a guest at someone else’s place, and a blog post without pictures is deemed an abomination.

3. Promise that knitting has been happening, prove it by pointing readers towards the Ravelry project pages which have been updated.

4. Tantalize readers with promises of a new and inspired creation, a self-designed pattern which is just perfect.

5. Talk rapturously about its colours, coming up with ever-so-many synonyms for red: scarlet, brick, burnt, deep, blood and boticelli.

6. Share a secret-sisterhood-smirk with readers who use Malabrigo yarn and therefore know precisely what you mean by the last synonym.

7. Throw in a yarn photo for those who don’t.

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8. Cue gasps of admiration and horror by stating nonchalantly that you’re knitting an entire tunic with light fingering weight yarn.

9. Stop abruptly when you realize this whole post is ridicul…

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